Words

Taming the Tongue
Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers and sisters, for you know that we who teach will face stricter judgment. For all of us make many mistakes. Anyone who makes no mistakes in speaking is mature, able to keep the whole body in check with a bridle. If we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we guide their whole bodies. Or look at ships: though they are so large and are driven by strong winds, yet they are guided by a very small rudder wherever the will of the pilot directs. So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great exploits.

How great a forest is set ablaze by a such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire. The tongue is placed among our members as a world of iniquity; it stains the whole body, sets on fire the cycle of life, and is itself set on fire by hell. For every species of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by the human species, but no one can tame the tongue—a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless the Lord and Father, and with it we curse people, made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth comes a blessing and a curse. My brothers and sisters, this ought not to be so. Does a spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and brackish water? Can a fig tree, my brothers and sisters, yield olives or a grapevine figs? No more can salt water yield fresh.
~ James 3:1-12 (NRSVUE)

I realized something the other day. It’s quite simple, but I guess I just never really thought about it before. Whenever we gather here in the sanctuary for worship, we sing, we pray, and we praise God. We greet our neighbors, we open our hearts and our minds, being curious about our faith and the world around us, and we listen for God’s still-speaking voice in our lives. But every week, we are also given choices. Usually, when we reflect on the scripture or on a storybook we have heard or when we participate in a ritual or sacrament, we are given a choice. And it is up to us to choose what we are going to do when we leave this place and go back out into the world and how we might live differently, as followers of Jesus.

Friends, many of you growing up heard, and I’m sure even recited, the rhyme, “Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt you.” Those words were supposed to build our self-esteem, reminding us that words are just words and that when someone calls you a name or says something mean to you, you can just choose to ignore it. After all, it’s not like someone is physically hurting you. Right? But the truth is, words do hurt sometimes, don’t they? And even when we try to ignore the hurtful words that people say to us, they sometimes make their way somewhere deep inside of us and settle in, making a home.

Now, no one wants to deal with the pain, frustration, and inconvenience of a broken bone, but the truth is that broken bones heal in about six weeks, whereas hurtful words can stay buried in our hearts and minds for a lifetime. I’ve heard it said, “No one stays in a hospital with a broken bone forever, but the couches of therapists and counselors are dented by those who sit week after week searching for healing from harmful words.”

The truth is, the things that we often dislike the most about ourselves are usually not even true, but they’re things that other people have said and told us are true. And unfortunately, we’ve believed them, just like Chrysanthemum in today’s story. Chrysanthemum loved her name. She said it over and over and over again because she knew it was perfect. That is until some of the girls at school made fun of it and told her that it wasn’t.

Friends, I wonder, has anyone ever said something hurtful to you that you tried to ignore, but it is stuck to you like glue? Maybe it was a comment about your appearance or your work ethic, a judgment about where you live, or who you love, or what you do for work, a snide comment about the way you walk or talk, or your family of origin. The words people say, yes, they are just words, but if the words hurt when you hear them, those are usually the ones that stick with you the longest because they get you to start to question yourself, and that never feels good.

I remember the end of my freshman year in college. I’d been studying to be an elementary school teacher, but let’s just say I was also learning a lot about life in college. One day, my advisor called me into her office and said, “Kelly, I don’t want you to waste your time here, so I need to tell you something.” She looked me straight in the eye, and she said, “You’ll never be a teacher, you just don’t have what it takes.” Now, perhaps she was reflecting today’s scripture that said, “Not many of you should become teachers, for you know that we who teach will face stricter judgment.” And maybe she thought she was challenging me and pushing me to work harder. But what she really did that day was plant a seed deep inside of me that told me that I wasn’t good enough and that I never would be.

Over the next few years, I changed my major several times because nothing seemed to fit. I studied education, social work, gerontology–which is working with the elderly–and psychology. I even took a few philosophy and religion courses because I was just trying to figure out what life was all about. I did graduate on time with a degree in Psychology, but that seed of doubt has stayed firmly planted deep in my soul even to this very moment! Because whenever I start to struggle with something, I hear my advisor’s voice in the back of my head, and I begin to question, am I really good enough?

Now, don’t worry because, over the years, the story does make a positive turn because even though in college I learned to doubt myself a lot, the courses that I took in education, social work, gerontology, psychology, philosophy, and religion, were the perfect prerequisite for seminary. And a perfect foundation to stand on when I finally found the courage to follow my call into the ministry.

In the book of James today, we hear that “from the same tongue, the same mouth, we can bless or we can curse. We can encourage or we can judge. And it’s from the very same mouth we use to praise God that we also use to gossip, to judge and put others (who are also made in the image of God) down.”

I am sure that each and every one of us here today has been hurt by someone else’s words, but I am also sure that we, too, have said things in the past that have hurt others, whether we meant it or not. And it’s even possible that our voices are the ones that some people hear in the backs of their minds when they judge and question themselves. Unfortunately, we can’t change the past. We can’t take back the hurtful things that we have said. And we can’t erase the hurtful things that we have heard, but we can make a difference moving forward.

So, friends, your choice for today is: how are you going to talk to yourself and to others in the days and weeks ahead? Are you going to be encouraging, uplifting and inspiring sharing hope and light and kindness with the word? Or are you going to spew hate, gossip and hurt because someone else hurt you?

I read a quote by Confucius the other day that has been sticking in my mind. It said, “Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.” Folks, there is a lot going on out in our world. We see, hear, and experience all kinds of comments, and opinions, and emotionally driven responses. But as followers of Jesus, we are never called to respond to evil with evil. We are never called to strike back with hate, and we are never called to seek revenge. On the contrary, we are called to feed the hungry, to share a cup of water with those who are thirsty, to welcome the stranger, to clothe the naked, to visit the sick and those in prison. We are never called to place stumbling blocks in front of our neighbors, but we are called to encourage everyone–even ourselves–to be the best that they can be.

So, brothers and sisters in Christ, as you go out into your busy week ahead, what choices will you make? What words will you use? How will you talk to yourself and those around you? How will you react to others who are gossiping and putting someone down? How will you treat someone that you disagree with? And when someone says something to hurt you, how will you respond? Will you say something hurtful back, or will you simply respond with love? Because, as we learn over and over again from the example Jesus sets for us, unconditional love and humble kindness are always the best ways to counteract the hurt and the hate in our world.

So, my friends, may it be so. Thanks be to God, Amen!